RESOURCES FOR WORKSHOP PARTICIPANTS A PERSONAL RESPONSE TO THE MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS: LAWRENCE MATTHEWS, LIM WORKSHOP COORDINATOR I receive many questions from potential workshop participants. The most frequent ones are: "What are the workshops about?", "How do I prepare for a workshop?" and "What is the format like?" I think these are appropriate questions. Even though we try to address them through materials at the web site, my typical response is as follows:
I think it is essential is to understand that our workshops are available as a RESOURCE for you in your development as a leader and as you help others do the same. They are about your process of growth as a person, leader and a teacher of leaders.
Most of your time in the workshop sessions will be spent in your small peer group under the leadership of a faculty coach. The focus will be upon your family of origin work and your case studies.
I understand any anxiety you might have about genograms, but family of origin work is an important part of the workshop experience. You will learn how to use your genogram work as a guide and aid in understanding how our families shape our lives. Your faculty coach will begin with you wherever you are and help you construct your own genogram step by step. Some members of your group will have been workshop participants for years, but remember that nobody has become a 'fully differentiated person' or 'mastered this way of leading' - both are life-long processes and not 'places of arrival'. Veterans encourage first timers and first timers ask those important questions everyone, regardless of their experience. needs to keep asking.
When deciding which case studies to present, remember that sharing where you are 'stuck' rather than 'a success story' will be most beneficial for you. Reflection upon your cases within the group will provide windows through which you can better understand your functioning as a person and a leader.
During the large group presentations by faculty and guest presenters, the basics of Bowen Family Systems Theory are taught and applied to practical leadership situations. The books on our reading list and the videos shown during the workshops are additional resources, as are the interactions with other participants in the retreat center setting.
The workshops do not offer techniques for becoming a successful leader or quick fixes for problems. They can help us understand that our growth as leaders involves our personal growth and most 'problems' are symptoms of more basic systemic issues that cannot be solved by quick fixes. This is why you will meet participants who have been involved in the workshops for a number of years. We even have one workshop regular who was present for the first session in 1991!
Bowen Family Systems Theory's teaching about emotional process and self-differentiation and Ed Friedman's teaching about 'leadership through self-differentiation' are the stack pole concepts around which revolves everything we do. Many workshop registrants have never thought of leadership in terms of emotional process or self-differentiation, much less understood the concepts. Some of this thinking might seem strange at first, but it begins to make sense and prove quite helpful as one hangs in and works with it.
Remember that this will be your first session of a two-session workshop. Each session builds upon the previous one. Let me reassure you that you will not be judged (or graded) by anyone on the basis of how complete your genogram is, how well you performed in any of your case studies, how many books you have read or how well you understand Bowen Family Systems Theory. The workshops are about learning together. Bring your questions, needs and dreams for developing your leadership.
I look forward to welcoming you to the workshops.
Larry Matthews
MINISTERING TO CONGREGATIONS AS FAMILY SYSTEMS
What do we mean by a "family system"?
The phrase, "Family System", had its origin in the field of psychiatry. It was first used in the pioneering work of Dr. Murray Bowen in the 1950's and 60's. His creative thinking about and therapy with families evolved into a way of understanding emotional process that came to be known as "Bowen Family Theory".
Dr. Edwin Friedman, a rabbi and family therapist, studied with Dr. Bowen and applied the insights of Bowen Theory to religious institutions and ministry in his book, Generation to Generation.
Bowen Family Systems thinking is a way of conceptualizing emotional process. It joins the concepts of "systems thinking" and "emotional process". The joining of these two concepts makes possible a way of understanding and more creatively responding to the interpersonal dynamics inherent in all human institutions - - from families to churches to the worlds of commerce and nations.
To "think systems" is to focus upon the whole rather than the parts, realizing that the nature of the whole is always different from the mere sum of its parts. To "think emotional process" is to be aware of the interpersonal processes that are present in every human system. The focus is no longer upon symptomatic content. Symptoms are eliminated by modifying the process rather than by attempting to change the "dysfunctional identified patient" directly - - an effort that results in simply recycling the symptom to a different place in the system.
The concept of the emotional triangle is a key component of Bowen Theory. The use of this concept enables the observer to "see" an emotional system and understand its functioning.
Some of the basic characteristics of emotional systems are:
* Balance - emotional systems always move towards homeostasis, the balancing of the anxiety that results from the conflict between the forces that promote individuality and togetherness. Any change disturbs this balance and results in reaction.
* Multi generational Transmission - patterns preserved in emotional triangles are passed on across generations and, therefore, change is never quick or easy.
* The Importance of Leadership - what we call "leadership" is a key ingredient in emotional process. Even though well defined leadership will be met with resistance and sabotage, it is necessary if any system is to adjust to change or pursue goals that involve change.
Lawrence Matthews
READING LIST: MINISTERING TO CONGREGATIONS AS FAMILY SYSTEMS
Murray Bowen, Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, Jason Aronson, Inc., 1985. A collection of Bowen's lectures, articles, etc.from 1957-1977.
Edwin H. Friedman, Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue, The Guilford Press, 1985.
Edwin H. Friedman, Friedman's Fables, The Guilford Press, 1990.
Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, The Edwin Friedman Estate, 1999.
Edwin H. Friedman, The Myth of the Shiksa, Seabury Books, 2008.
Edwin H. Friedman, What Are You Going to Do With YYour Life?, Seabury Books. 2009.
Israel Galindo, The Hidden Lives of Congregations: Discening Church Dynamics, The Alban Institute, 2004.
Israel Galindo, Elaine Boomer and Don Reagan, A Family Genogram Workbook,, Educational Consultants, 2006
Roberta M. Gilbert, Extraordinary Relationships, John Wiley & Sons, Inc,1992.
Roberta M. Gilbert, Connecting With Our Children, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 1999.
Roberta M. Gilbert, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, Leading Systems Press, 2004.
Roberta M. Gilbert, Extraordinary Leadership: Thinking Systems, Making A Difference, Leading Systems Press, 2006.
Margaret J. Marcuson, Leaders Who Last, Seabury Books, 2009.
Michael E. Kerr and Murray Bowen, Family Evaluation, W. W. Norton and Co., 1988. Basic presentation of Bowen Theory.
Monica McGoldrick and Randy Gerson, Genograms in Family Assessment, W. W. Norton and Co., 1985.
Monica McGoldrick, You Can Go Home Again: Reconnecting With Your Family, W. W. Norton and Co., 1995.
Ronald W. Richardson, Family Ties That Bind, Self-Counsel Press, 1984.
Ronald W. Richardson and Lois A. Richardson, Birth Order and You, Self-Counsel Press, 1990.
Ronald W. Richardson, Creating A Healthier Church, Fortress Press, 1996.
Ronald W. Richardson, Becoming A Healthier Pastor: Family Systems Theory and the Pastor's Own Family, Fortress Press, 2005.
Ronald W.Richardson, Becoming Your Best, Augsburg Books, 2008
Peter L. Steinke, How Your Church Family Works, The Alban Institute, Inc.,1993.
Peter L. Steinke, Healthy Congregations: A Systems Approach, The Alban Institute, Inc., 1996.
(The first two Richardson books can be ordered from Self-Counsel Press,Inc., 1704 N. State Street, Bellingham, WA 98225.)
A More Complete List of Audio, Video & Reading Resources
CASE STUDIES
Most of the workshop time is spent in small groups with a faculty coach. Each participant is asked to bring two case studies and their genogram to the workshops, with five copies of each for the other members of their small group.
The resources of the small group and the faculty coach are available to participants as they seek to better understand their own functioning in the situations presented in the case studies and continue work on their family of origin as reflected in their genogram.
Bring one case study from your ministry with an individual or family and one from your congregation/work system (committee, organization, staff, etc.). The time spent on your case studies will be most helpful to you if you choose situations where you are either "stuck" or unsure about where to go next. Success stories are usually not very helpful.
Write a brief description of the situation you are presenting with just enough information to orient the group. One page is usually adequate. You can fill in the details as you present the case. Try to end with your hunches and questions.
The emphasis in the group will be upon relating family systems theory to the practice of ministry. The focus will be upon "seeing" the situation and your functioning through the lens of Bowen Family Systems Theory and reflecting theologically upon the act of ministry presented.
Lawrence Matthews
GENOGRAMS
Murray Bowen originally referred to these as 'family diagrams' and wrote: " .. the family diagram was ... incorrectly called genogram". However, the term genogram has stuck and is now widely accepted to mean what Bowen originally meant by 'family diagram'.
To undertake this kind of 'work' (and it is work!) in our family of origin provides us with: (1) a new perspective from which to understand our family (i. e., from the outside, whereas our normal perspective is that of a participant within the emotional system of our family); and (2) an opportunity as an adult to continue to define ourselves from inside ourselves and to embrace the functions we choose to fill in the family system that originally defined us and assigned our functions. Both of these are important. Constructing a genogram is not the same as compiling a genealogy. Even though some of the same methods are employed, the emphasis in family of origin work is always upon the relational system and our understanding of and response to it. Needless to say, we are able to assist others in working in their families of origin to the extent that we have done our own work.
Genograms differ from family trees by creating a broader perspective on family influences. They may include non-family members who played major roles in family processes; they note critical events in family history; and they open the door for conversations about themes, myths, secrets, rules and emotionally charged issues.
Experience underscores the truth that the pursuit of family of origin work is the means by which we grasp family emotional system theory. Concepts such as emotional triangles, the differentiation of a self, multigenerational emotional process, etc. can only be understood as we experience them in our own journey toward further self differentiation, usually with the help of someone (a coach) who is also making the journey. Ed Friedman writes: "..a thorough grasp of Bowen theory is probably only achievable by studying the concepts over some period of time in the context of encountering one's own experience of life while maintaining some type of disciple relationship with someone who has already gone through the process." The Leadership In Ministry Workshops are structured to provide such coaching. However, it remains the task of each participant to do the hard work.
All of the books mentioned below are included in the reading list, MINISTERING TO CONGREGATIONS AS FAMILY SYSTEMS. Information about genogram software and hyperlinks to sources can be found under "Computer Generated Genograms" on the "Resources and Updates" page at this web site..
Lawrence Matthews
RESOURCES FOR GENOGRAM AND FAMILY OF ORIGIN WORK
**A FAMILY GENOGRAM WORKBOOK - A new publication (2006) that provides excellent step by step guidance for developing your family genogram.
BECOMING A HEALTHIER PASTOR - The comprehensive book for congregational leaders who are committed to the challenge of doing their family of origin work has at last been written. In Richardson's words: "If you are ready for this kind of adventure, then this book is for you." (p.10)
GENOGRAMS IN FAMILY ASSESSMENT and YOU CAN GO HOME AGAIN - Chapter 2 in both books is basic 'how to' material.
EXTRAORDINARY RELATIONSHIPS - This is an excellent and often overlooked introduction to Bowen theory. Chapter 10 is a concise statement of what family of origin work is all about.
FAMILY TIES THAT BIND - Another outstanding, tightly written introduction to family of origin work. Chapter 8 is a very helpful step by step guide.
BIRTH ORDER AND YOU - In this book Richardson expands chapter 7 of FAMILY TIES and provides an easily understood guide to birth order issues in family of origin work.
BECOMING MARRIED - This book is a resource for pre-marital sessions with couples and chapter 2 discusses the use of genograms in pre-marital counseling.
FAMILY THERAPY IN CLINICAL PRACTICE - This is the basic collection of Bowen's writings - and quite expensive. Chapter 21 is the classic report by Bowen of his own family of origin work, "On the Differentiation of Self."
FAMILY EVALUATION - Michael Kerr is Director of the Georgetown Family Center and this is his interpretation of Bowen theory. Chapter 10 includes helpful material about family diagrams and there is a summary epilogue by Murray Bowen.
GENERATION TO GENERATION - See pages 32-35 for another concise statement about the importance of this work.
"Learning enough about the multigenerational emotional history of one's family to change the way one thinks about the family and about oneself probably contributes more to the effort to 'grow up' than anything else a person can do."
Michael Kerr (FAMILY EVALUATION, p.309)
Computer Generated Genograms